Recently a post I made after not seeing my close friend from college for 2 weeks despite going to the same school was described as ‘unnecessary,’ ‘a little much,’ ‘kind of a slap in the face,’ and ‘somewhat hurt their feelings,’ by their somewhat recent significant other, whom I’ve never met before.
Now, of course this upsets me for several reasons. I totally understand where this person is coming from, because while they may have apologized for complainingly about my post because they claim they are not a jealous person; I am. So I’d understand that if I were in a relatively new relationship I might get jealous of someone making a post about how much they miss my boyfriend/girlfriend. So, I understand where this person is coming from but I’m frustrated because now I feel like I owe them an apology for something that shouldn’t be seen as wrong. Keep in mind that this person is my best friend in college. I think that entitles me to missing their company/being able to say that I love them. Especially since my friend and I are very clear between ourselves and our other friends that we are that: JUST FRIENDS. Secondly, it’s not like I’m making these sappy posts just for this one person. I do this for literally everyone of significance in my life whether it’s my close friend from the year below me, my self-adopted ‘little brother,’ or either of my two long-distance best friends in the entire world who go to school in Berkeley and New York.
Writing long, thought-out sentimental posts ‘professing my love to you’ (another direct quote) is a part of my personality and my friendship. I write poetry for god’s sake. I’m a walking, social-media-addicted, clingy, sentimental cliche ok? And I’m fucking fine with that. And if you’re someone I consider to be one of my closest friends and I don’t see you for a while, I’m going to make posts like that. I’m sorry if you feel like your new relationship/how it is portrayed on social media is threatened by my friendship with this person.
It was made very clear to me that my friend’s s.o. feels like crap for seeming like ‘a jealous bitch’ and does not want me to think that she is upset with me at all, but that doesn’t change the fact that I now have to feel like a shitty person for making her uncomfortable just because I miss my friend. Furthermore, anyone who has been described as ‘a little much,’ or excessive, or overdramatic can tell you, that touches a nerve. You can’t tell someone that you’ve never met to tone down their personality and expect them to agree with you or feel bad or say, “Sorry, I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable.” So yeah, I’m not trying to raise an issue of ‘jealousy’ here so much as say, you don’t get to tell me that I’m ‘too much’ for you. Especially if you don’t know me. At the end of the day, this person was my friend before they were in your relationship and I shouldn’t have to apologize to you, a person that has never met me, for who I am.You don’t know about how many times I’ve had to tell myself it’s ok to put my full 100 into a friendship and that I shouldn’t blame myself ‘expecting too much’ when I only get back someone else’s 30. You don’t know the strength it took to tell myself that I SHOULDN’T HAVE TO apologize for loving other people too much. You don’t know the strength it takes to stop apologizing for your existence. Think about that, the next time you tell someone they’re ‘a little much.’
And for everyone else, who has had to face people criticizing them for being ‘overwhelming’ keep doing you. People think it’s easy to be unapologetically yourself. but it’s not. It’s a skill that takes constant practice and not a lot of people remember that, but I do.