Winter Blues

I just finished my last class of winter quarter and I feel like I can finally breathe a sigh of relief. Winter is always the hardest for me, I’ve come to realize. I’m trying to remember though that good things rolled around in the spring, that the downward spiral doesn’t last forever.

I feel like I’ve been sad for an entire quarter over losing one of my close friends. I realized that they don’t try to communicate with me, even after I go out of my way just to see them. It’s a whole complex story that cannot be summed up in one blog post but I officially decided, this isn’t worth it. Of course, I still want to be friends with them. But making myself emotional over their unavailability when they don’t even try to make time to just text me back isn’t worth it.

Today in my last Structure of Art seminar we were doing critiques on each other’s final art projects. One of my classmates edited a tragic and darkly beautiful, trailer-like video of the transition from 2016 to 2017. Within it were some of the biggest media headlines of 2016 including the shooting in Orlando at Pulse night club. My fellow classmate’s intention was to remind us that the events of 2016 need to be remembered. As someone who is proudly bisexual, hearing about the Orlando shooting was one of the most shattering things in my life time. The weight of absolute violation of a safe space for LGBTQ people is not something any of us in this community can forget. So it really struck me when I looked around the classroom to find I was the only one in tears.

I’m so tired of the emotional weight I’ve been carrying around this winter quarter. Tired that these little things in my day can make me cry in the middle of a class or a shift at work. I’m hoping that spring comes sooner. So I can move on from this. I know I will.

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